I knew I should not of answered the phone

[Ring ring…….]

 (customer in red, me in black)

 You recently quoted me for a 4×4 print but it’s much too expensive for my customer, why does it cost so much more than a one colour print?

 Leaving aside the cost of the Range Rover, it’s because it’s so much more work, and we don’t work for free.  Do you work for free then?  [I recognised her stupid whiny voice, she’s a right royal pain so I feel vindicated in being arsy with her]

 Well my customer thinks that price is really extortionate so he’s had to go to all the trouble of changing what he wants.  He now wants one line of text in red and the other line to be in blue – how many colours is that?

 Oooh, hang on, I’m the wrong side of 45 you know, it’s a long time since I was at school.  Let me get my calculator.  [taps a few keys]  Ok, right, I make that two colours.

 Well that’s all very well but I don’t know how much it is for two colours and you’re not being very helpful in actually telling me.

 I’m quite happy to tell you but you hadn’t actually got as far as asking. How many?

 That depends on how much it’s going to cost.

 Well the price depends on the quantity.  We’re in for the long haul here aren’t we just.  We start at 25.


 No – 25 quantity.  We were talking quantity weren’t we, or have I swapped universes without realising?

 25 is no-where near enough!

 [long pause}

 Ok then, how about 100,000?

 Oh you’re just being silly now.

 Yes I know.  I get a bit like this when I’m losing the will to live.  Tell you what, how about you take a turn at suggesting a quantity?


 Right, now we’re cooking on gas.  The price is £923.20

What??? [screeching]  Is that the trade price?

 No it’s not.  [I play her at her own game of minimal information]  Are you one of our trade customers then?  [knowing full well who she is but hey, she hadn’t bothered to say]  

 Of course I am.  I’ve got your trade price in front of me and it’s way below that much.

 So if you have our trade price in front of you then why are you asking me??  What price do you have on there?


 Ah right, well that’s an old price list, the world has moved on since then.  The price is no longer £49 per thousand, I’ll get you the new trade price.

 Did you say £49 per thousand???  You mean the price isn’t £49 in total???!! [very incredulous tone to her voice]

 You mean you thought you could get 10,000 printed balloons for £49 in total???!!   {I match her incredulous tone]




 One more notch on the “let’s get rid of the timewasters” bedpost….

Currently pouring a large one and shan’t bother putting the top back on the bottle.  Have a good weekend!


About matthewlewisdisplays

We are a small balloon company based in Coventry. We specialize in balloon decoration and balloon printing. We have our own balloon printing machines & print on Qualatex latex balloons from 9" to 36" as well as 4ft & 5.5ft Chloroprenes in single colour and foils balloons from 18" , 20" and 36" in multi colour. We also have a full digital print arm to the company supplying business stationary and balloon race labels. As for me I'm self motivated, love my job and private life. Im married to Traci, have two children Joshua (Josh) and Harriet (Harribo) and two dogs, Midnight is a black Labrador and Zara is a black shaggy coated Labradoodle. My main hobby is fishing which I find very relaxing and I can be found with a rod in my hand most Sundays (Weather permitting). I also run a quiz every Monday evening in the pub I live next door to raising money for SANDS My balloon decorating career started many moons ago in 1989. I was introduced to Qualatex balloons just after that, passed my CBA in 1994 and have never looked back since. My work has taken me length and breath of England and into Europe working on large scale decor at Euro Disney in Paris and as well as Alacante in Spain and more recently appearing on the hit TV show "Idiot Abroad" staring Karl Pilkington & Warwick Davis on location in Macedonia for the 3rd and final series. My passion for balloons and balloon decoration continues to grow and I am a great believer that to be the best you need to use the best so Qualatex are my first and only balloon I use for large scale WOW factor decor. Their education and training are second to none and their vast array of products tick all the right boxes in the creative juices department.
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One Response to I knew I should not of answered the phone

  1. Jim Campbell says:

    Hah, hah, hah, I think I have had a few clients like her, they always seem to have that sort of snivley, whiney, “I’m better than you” voice, or is that just my imagination.


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